In this day and age, many parents have become concerned about the time they spend with their children. Such time may be very hard to find with the kids being in school, the parents at work, or seeing to other commitments. And even if you feel you have enough time to spend with your children, remember that the quality of that time may count more than the quantity.
Look at your own situation. Look at your children. Do you feel that you really know them? Their interests? Their friends? If the answer is “no” to anyone of these, perhaps you should consider the ways to spend more quality time with them.
And, consider the fact that your child may feel exactly the same way about you. Are they comfortable in your presence? Do they feel secure in your love and affection? So, what can you do to reconnect with your child? Let’s take a look at some possible ways to solve the problem by spending some quality time together.
Establish a specific time as quality time
- Establish a specific time each day when you can spend time with your child.
- Keep to this schedule faithfully to give your child a sense of security and self-worth. They will feel wanted, and closer to you, if they can count on a commitment of time, knowing that you have taken time from your other commitments to spend time with them.
Engage together in activities
- There are lots of things which you can do together as a family. Try something as simple as taking a walk. You can stroll around the neighborhood, or perhaps walk the dog together.
- Casual conversations had during these walls can help you connect with each other. Or, maybe do something more adventurous, like taking a hike together.
This is very important for both you and the children, as it can reinforce the idea that you are a family, a collection of interconnected people who love one another, not simply a group of people who share a house. Remember that you can spend this time as you choose.
Tips on what to do or talk about while spending quality time with your child
If outdoor activities don’t appeal, perhaps play an indoor game. You could spend the time having a serious conversation about any problems that have arisen. Are there problems at school? Have school grades been going down, and, if that is the case, just what are the children, with parental help, going to do about it?
No problems, no worries? Good! So, talk about their interests, such as video games, TV shows, or what their favorite teams are doing. But such conversation, or any conversation, for that matter, maybe beyond the level of some members of the family. In this case, try playing a simple game, or a craft session involving finger paints, or construction paper and glue, or the like.
Maybe just a session of peekaboo and hugs will suffice. Just remember that meaningful time together also involves the period of cleaning up after such activities! Maybe you could simply watch their favorite TV program with them, or movie, and munching on popcorn. Anything that requires some positive interaction between yourself and your child can be considered as quality time.
Reinforce your child’s feeling of being loved
- Make sure that you tell your child you love them each and every day. This may seem like overkill to some parents, as they just assume that the child knows it. That may be true, but it just as often may not. Your kid may need the added reinforcement that the words supply. Never be afraid to say the words. You will realize just how important they are when you hear them in return.
- Create some kind of daily experience that you can share together, something like reading a story at bedtime each night, allow your child to pick the story, once they are old enough to express a preference. Read with enthusiasm, playing the characters, and expressing emotion as appropriate. As your child ages, they can read the story, while you help with any words they stumble over.
- Turn a daily chore into a quality time sharing experience. Your child could help you cook the family dinner each night, a prime opportunity for interaction, and even learning. Other chores, too, can be fun quality time sharing. How about bathing the family pets? Or planting a garden?
- When you are with your child, reinforce their positive behavior. We can be all too quick to notice and punish, a child’s negative behavior. But often we neglect to recognize their good conduct. With a younger child, this may be as simple as clapping your hands or giving them a hug. Anything that expresses your happiness at what they have done will impart in them the desire to repeat such good behavior in order to repeat the experience.
- Positive behavior reinforcement with older children: a thumbs up or a high five should do, along with expressions of how happy and proud you are of them. We all like praise, we all like to feel that we have done something worthy of such praise. By offering up such approbation, you are encouraging your child in his endeavors. You know that you are well prepared to offer up criticism and rebukes, so be just as prepared to encourage their good behavior.
- Family meals are important. In many cases, as your children grow older and become more involved in outside the home activities, they may be the only time that families have available to bond. No more stories at bedtime, no more playing in the bath. So, make the most of mealtime. Your daily dinner may provide a special time each day for the family to come together and catch up with one another.
- Involve your child with meal preparation: Even before you sit down at the table, encourage your kids to help with the preparation of the meal. This allows for even more interaction, with everyone taking the time from their other activities to work together. And any time you can spend with the kids, working together to produce a meal and sitting down together to share it can certainly be considered quality time.
- Spend some time with your child doing an activity of their choosing. Allowing them to choose will express to the child that they are important to you, that you want to consider their wants and needs as well as your own. All too often the choice of activity is chosen by the adult, with no input from the child. This will allow them to exercise some control. Finger painting with a kid who would rather be building with Legos is likely to get pretty messy. Let them choose what they want to do. They may simply want to relax and watch TV, so let them choose the program.
- As they get older, allow them to choose the movie you will see together, or the sports in which they will participate, with you cheering from the sideline, of course. The choice is important. It is highly unlikely to be quality time spent with the child if they are being coerced into doing something they don’t enjoy.
- Remember to play with your child. Everything need not be a chore, and not every conversation needs to be heavy with meaning. And playing need not involve toys, or games. Simply interacting with your child in a playful manner can be a way to spend some quality time with them.
- Play with your child at bath time. Join in the fun they are having with bubbles or bath toys, Let them be a sea monster will you’re a scientist out to catch them. When you are walking or driving to school, take time to engage them in simple games.
- Spot the birdie, or count the out-of-state license plates, perhaps. Play Chutes and Ladders with your younger ones, or video games with the older ones. Involve yourself in their playtime activities. Let them see that you like a little fun too.
- Allow your kids to see another side of you, one that can laugh and be silly at times. Too often, children see parents as rather dour and stern, arbiters of their behavior too weighed down by the responsibility of providing for the family.
- Don’t be afraid to show them that you can be silly, too. Get down on the floor and play horsey, laugh out loud at their more silly antics, and add a few silly ones of your own. How long has it been since you’ve tried a hula hoop? Too long, I bet. When was the last time you dressed up for Halloween? Everyone has a silly side, so don’t be afraid to show yours, especially to your own kids.
- Dispense with the technology. Put away your cellphone and shut down the laptop when spending quality time with your kids. Nothing will express to them that they are of the utmost importance more than a technology disconnect on your part.
- No answering that call or text, no scrolling through your Google finds. No interruptions to your time together will be tolerated. With older kids, you may want to prompt them to tune out, as well. You might even want to turn off the TV unless you plan on watching something together.
Managing quality time with your child if separated or divorced
It’s hard enough to consider how to spend quality time with a child when the child is living in your home. It may be even harder to establish quality time with a child when you only see them during the allotted visitation times. Remember that your child is being bounced between two homes, and it is your job to make sure that this transition is as easy as possible.
Be flexible when it comes to the timing of visitations. Consult with your ex-partner on disciplinary matters to be sure that they are consistent. Keep to a routine that is consistent with what they experience in their other home. Once your child is at your home, make sure they know that it is their home, as well. Be sure that they have a room, or part of a room, which is their own.
Maintain a routine that is consistent with the routine they are familiar with at their other home, such as coordinated crimes and bath times. Never make them uncomfortable by talking discourteously about your ex-partner, or testing their loyalty. If they are old enough, take them around the neighborhood and encourage them to make friends. Take them for visits with the grandparents, or aunts and uncles. Make sure they know they belong.
Reinforce their trust in your love by telling them each day how much you care for them. You cannot hope to experience real quality time with your child if they are riddled with insecurity, so you must do your best to make them feel secure in both their homes. Once a reliable routine has been established in your home, follow the suggestions given above in order to enjoy the quality time so badly needed by both parent and child.
Always keep in mind that it is the quality of the time which you spend with your child that matters, not the quantity. In your daily life, rushing from job to job, or other commitments, you may have precious little time to allocate to your children, even though they may be the most important thing in your life. So you must make this time count.
Devote yourself solely to them for the portion of your day you can commit to them, and steal other moments when you can. When you are with your child, truly be with them, and not just a physical presence by their side, but a socially interactive one. Show them a silly side they can relate to every once in a while, and a concerned and loving side when they need it. Talk to them, play with them, and feel with them.
Make sure they know how much you care by telling them each and every day. They are unlikely to understand the depth of your love and commitment to them if they have to compete for your attention with a cellphone or other device in the brief time you can share with them. The quality time you manage to carve out of your busy schedule to spend with your kids will prove just as important, and valuable, to yourself as it is to them.
